The Love Dare

Day 31 -

Ok, so I know I'm starting to blog about this experience pretty late in the game. However, overall it has been a good experience. Just the fact that the CableMan has agreed to do this with me is a HUGE leap in our relationship. Today we are to be sure that our marriage is given top priority over every other human relationship. I guess that includes my relationship with self doesn't it. I've been really into myself lately and I have to get over it.

Farms Questions Part 1

I want a farm. I want to be able to raise chickens and cows and grow enough vegetables and fruits to almost sustain us. So my question is what is the right size for a farm to be able to do that? Should it be 10 acres? 20? 30? I have no experience with this sort of thing but I know it is something I want very much. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Show and Tell

Wanna share in the fun? Visit http://kellishouse.blogspot.com/ and post your show and tell.

My Papaw was a professional photographer. He took pictures of weddings, proms and did family portraits in his basement. As a child I was fascinated by all of his equipment, but the thing that intrigued me the most was this light meter. Camera's have automatic light meters in them now, but I remember him putting this up to a person's face to get the settings just right.

Papaw passed away in 1981, the summer before my 13th birthday. I was the oldest grandchild and had spent the most time with him. When I was 2 they say I used to call him Bumpy. He was a tough old bird with a heart of gold. He loved my Nana with a passion. This Father's Day I will miss him and wonder what he would have thought of his granddaughter.

Thankful Thursday

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15 (NIV)

Today I am thankful for my Adult Bible Fellowship class. I have always longed for strong Christian relationships, and I have found them among the ladies in my ABF. They strengthen me, hold me up, love on me and exhaust me all at the same time. I love you ladies more than words can say.

Count it ALL Joy.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

James 1:2-7 NIV

Last night at Bible Study so many of my friends had so many burdens. My heart was very heavy for them. I spent a fitful night of concern for them. Perhaps it is because I have been there, in great pain and need. I know the feeling of struggle. I also know that I would not trade my struggles for all the money in the world. They have made me who I am, what I am. The season of pain and heartache may seem long, but oh, it is so beautiful on the other side. To have a heart that has been refined by the fire, to NEVER be the same again. No, I would not trade that for anything.

Don't misunderstand me. I am sinful and my heart is not pure or perfect, but it is softer than when my journey began. My faith is stronger than it used to be.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Hebrews 12:1-12 NIV

No, trials are not easy. They are not meant to be. My giants haven't always been laundry and dishes. There used to be a saying in strength training, "No pain, no gain." Well without pain our souls cannot gain either. It is not for "no reason" Jesus is called the perfecter of our faith.

I have learned this though, the sooner you recognize the trial and the sooner you put yourself on your face before God, the sooner He comes along side of you and helps you in the trial. Notice I did not say the sooner He removes the trial, which sometimes He does, I said the sooner He helps you in the trial.

Who would you rather have helping you? God? Or yourself?

I do NOT have all the answers, but I serve a God who does.

Hebrews 12:11 says, No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

It produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. This is so true.

Junk Extravaganza

Ok, so I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I agreed to do a yard sale this weekend, yesterday as a matter of fact. Now yard sales are fun to go to, I love a good yard sale. However, hosting one is a whole different story. It is exhausting even under the best of circumstances, but I didn't stop to think (well I did think and it seemed like a good idea at the time) that this weekend was junk pickup in my neighborhood. I thought it would be easy, have the yard sale and put whatever we didn't sell out for junk day. Wellll. . . . . if that was all I had done things probably would have gone fine, but. . . (there's always a but isn't there?) I decided to clean out the basement too, so my once clean house is now a shambles. I never know when to stop. I was talking about giants the other day. Did you ever make your own giants? I have this weekend. Oh well, at least I'll sleep well, after all this hard work.

Loving Well

We started our Women's Bible Study tonight. I have never done a Beth Moore study. I'm must say that I wasn't sure what to expect. Now after having gone I'm very excited. Then when I got home my sister-in-law was on the phone and I asked her if she would like to go and she said yes. I've never really invited anybody to a Bible Study before, I'm very excited.

Kim and the Giants.

Well the Lord and I knocked down a couple of those little giants today. I wouldn't have been able to do it except for Him. So many times I wanted to sit down and "rest". But I remembered something I read here. http://www.cmomb.com/the-sin-of-sloth/.

James 4:17 - Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

I know the good I ought to do. And if I don't do it simply out of laziness or being overwhelmed then I am sinning.

I was also inspired by Claudia O. at http://teenytinycabin.blogspot.com/who commented on my blog entry. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

So with the Lord's help I knocked out all the laundry, and cleaned my own bedroom (I am forever griping at the kids to keep theirs clean, time to practice what I preach.) and I cleaned the bathroom. And He motivated me to fix dinner for tonight, since I'm going to fellowship night with some ladies from ABF class.

Maybe just maybe I can get the Living Room done before I leave.

Blessing to all of you from the One who gives us strength.

Off to slay more little giants.

There are Giants in the land.

Today in ABF we studied about the children of Israel coming at last to the promised land. God was reminding them of why they had to wander for 40 years. Partially because they kept looking back to Egypt, partially because they were unfaithful to Him and partially because they were afraid, and didn't trust Him.

What giants do I face that keep me from entering my promised land? Mountains of laundry, more clutter than should be allowed by law, whining children, overweight exhaustion. My giants seem insurmountable to me, as I write this my 6 year old daughter is whining in my ear. I'm tired.

Isn't it funny that no matter how many time we trust Him in the big things, it's sometimes the little things that pile up to make our giants.

An Adoption Story

Someone asked me to share my adoption story. It is a LONG, beautiful story of God’s grace and provision. It is a story of His strength and His courage. You see if He weren’t a courageous God, and if He weren’t a God of ALL strength and power, then I could never have become a mother.

When I was 18 years old I had my appendices removed at that time they found a small ovarian cyst. I was told that it was normal and not to worry. Approximately 6 months later I had this horrible pain in my side and I went to the doctor. I had a cyst the size of a basketball on my ovary, they surgically removed it and said not to worry. Six month later I had a cyst the size of softball, they surgically removed it and said not to worry. And so it went for 4 more surgeries.

At 21 years old I got married. We began trying to conceive right away. After 3 months, at my regular check up I ask the gynecologist if I should be worried and she said probably not, but because of all the surgeries I had gone through she would just schedule a laparoscopy to “take a look”.

When I woke up they told me that I had lost one of my ovaries because it had twisted and became severely infected around and that they had done everything they could to save the other ovary, but I had a less than 5% chance of ever naturally getting pregnant.

Enter all the fertility procedures and drugs, it was a terrible time. We weren’t sure which things were acceptable to our faith and which things weren’t this was 14 years ago and the science was still pretty new. Now I don’t believe I would have tried IVF knowing what I know now, but that is only my own personal choice.

By the time we started looking into adoption we had spent most of our money and some of my parents money on the fertility treatments and at that time private adoptions were running about $15,000 to $20,000.

Enter the Cabinet for Children and Families. We decide that perhaps we would try to adopt a special needs child. We went to the Adoption Training, had a home study and opened our home for adoption and started waiting. This was around Christmastime in 1995. At that time the State was DESPERATE for foster parents, so they called us and conned us into becoming foster parents. I had always said that I couldn’t be a foster parent because it would hurt too much when the children left. But, (there’s always a but isn’t’ there) everything flowed so well that we agreed and within 3 days of opening our home we had a set of 2 year old twins. Then suddenly we had their 1 year old brother, then enter their 4 year old sister.

We were a family, at least we thought we were. Their birth mother was very low functioning and she told us that she would let us adopt them if she couldn’t get them back. They were in our home for 3 years.

Other children came and went but I had the four siblings to ease the pain of the leaving. It was difficult but God gives you the strength you need when you need it. He is a good and gracious God.

Then one day out of the clear blue sky they called us and asked if we could take a premature newborn whose mother had left her at the hospital. I jumped at the chance. I had never had a baby, we were thrilled beyond belief. She was beautiful. I was thrilled and life was good.

One month before the siblings were to have their parental rights terminated an Aunt and Uncle appeared and said that they wanted to take the siblings. Under this States old laws and the old Federal guidelines they were able to take them. After 3 years, they were just gone. I was devastated, but remember I said God is good. He left my baby with me, she was 3 months old and thriving, He gave us strength that we would have never had on our own.

Eleven more children came and went, I loved them all, but they weren’t meant to be mine. I trust Him for each of them. He loves them more than I ever could. My baby was still here with me. She was growing into a beauty!!

She made me laugh when there was nothing to laugh about, she gave me hope. One night I was praying. Begging God not to take my sweet little one, and I heard Him speak to my heart. It wasn’t audible, just quiet and firm and sure. “The child is yours.” From that moment forward I knew, and I gave her the name Danielle. Her birth name was very close to this, and we had always called her Danni. Danielle means God is My Judge, and He is the only one I trust to judge what child belonged in my home.

The State and Federal guidelines changed about this time. Danielle was 24 months old, and we were heading down the home stretch to adoption. The State started a new foster parenting pilot program and they asked us to be one of 15 families to test the program. It was called concurrent placement. It was for children who were working toward reunification and adoption at the same time. We said okay. So we stopped taking children in the regular foster program and opened our home to concurrent placement children only.

The thing about being in a new program is that it took awhile for any children to be chosen for the program. So we didn’t have any placements for a while. This was good, because we needed a break. We took our first vacation and enjoyed our daughter.

Danielle is bi-racial and my husband and I are both Caucasian , so we wanted her to have a sibling who was bi-racial like her. So I began to bug the Cabinet workers for another baby. I pestered them for 6 months and the answer was always the same. We don’t have any babies in the concurrent program right now.

I had started trusting the Cabinet to give me another child, instead of trusting the one who gave me Danielle. Isn’t it strange that we can trust God only so far? That when our wants overwhelm us that we stop trusting him and start trusting ourselves and others?

I had worked myself up into a real huff. I was in the parking lot at the local Meijer and I told God that He was in charge. I said “Lord I’m not going to worry about this anymore, if you want me to have another child, you will bring that child to me.” He must have been waiting for me to let go, because when I got home there were 4 messages on my answering machine. They had a baby and I needed to come down right away and get her. Needless to say I did, and that is how Gabrielle came into our home. (By the way, Gabrielle means the Lord is my Strength).

Danielle’s adoption was finalized and we were ecstatic. She was happy too she did a somersault , in the court room. (I don’t think she really knew what was going on , but we were all thrilled, including the judge.)

Gabrielle’s mother was a very young , very hurt, very confused girl. Life had not been good to her. She told us that she would give up parental rights to Gabrielle, as long as we adopted her, but there was a catch; we had to adopt her son too. You should have seen the look on the social worker’s face when she found out there was another child. Birth Mom had another child in a different state’s custody who was just 1 year and 10 days older. We agreed. It took some time to cut through all the red tape between states and get the boy here.

While we were working to getting Noah (Noah means Peace) from one state to another, my social worker called me. She said sheepishly “I don’t know how to tell you this (long pause) but Danielle’s mother just had another baby.” Hysterical laughter on my end of the phone. I couldn’t do anything but laugh. She said “Are you alright?” I told her that I was but that I had to talk to my husband about this new turn of events. Of course our answer was yes, and so Andrew Isaac came to be our child. (Isaac means laughter.)

Noah followed about 2 month later. The red tape took awhile but everything flowed like God had meant it to be so we were at peace.

We had 4 adoptions in 12 months and we were a family. We closed our home to foster children, our quiver was full and we started a new stage of life as permanent parents.

I told you the story was LOOOONG. But it is full of God’s grace and provision. We aren’t the perfect parents. But we tell the children that each and everyone of them is a gift from God.

Some things I learned from all this are:

• You can’t always trust a social worker or a birth parent, but you can always trust God.
  
• Even when things seem darkest, God is always working for your good.
  
• God is in charge and nothing you can do will take that away from Him.
  

I’m tired from the telling, so I think maybe I’ll go grab the kids and we will watch a movie together. I hope my story has blessed and encouraged you. God is a good God, even when things don’t go the way you planned them.

APRONPALOOZA

What a great idea. http://writer-mom.blogspot.com/

Check out this site. They are having a HUGE apron giveaway.

Constantly Amazed

I am constantly amazed at God's good grace. Thank you Lord!! My husband and I are enjoying a renewal of our love and have entered a new period of getting to know one another again. I am so grateful for this and I would shout it from the highest points of the earth if I could but I am a pretty simple girl and I don't travel much so I will shout it from my blog.

Thank you Lord for the Cableman!!!

My hair looks just like this today.

Just 5 Things I have learned.

First, God is Holy. I don't mean holy by our standards, I mean He is exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness. He is by His nature the very definition of a Holy God.

Second, there is no vacancy in the Trinity. Try as I might I cannot control others. I am not God.

Third, prayer isn't just about my wants and needs. Prayer is first about coming before a Holy God and worshiping him, second submitting my will to His, and admitting that I cannot do anything without Him and then asking for help with what burdens my heart.

Fourth, no person can fill all my needs, wants or desires. Only God can fill that "God-shaped hole" which Pascal once referred to. To place that burden on my husband or children is an abomination. I know that abomination is a strong word but I can think of no other word to describe how horrible and destructive this burden can be to those we love.

Fifth, sex was created by God. It is not dirty. It is not shameful. It is not displeasing to God, the God who created it, as long as it is practiced within the limits He set for us. Try this and see if it doesn't radically change your sex life with your spouse. Get down on your knees beside your marriage bed and pray. Pray "God let all that happens in this bed bring glory to you." If you will take a servant's heart into your sex life, you will honor marriage. Give your spouse more honor than you want and it will radically change not just your sex life but your entire relationship.

Trying something new.

Isn't it funny how difficult it is to try something new and out of the ordinary? Seriously, I've decided to become what I consider to be a dedicated housewife, and the women in my life are giving me so much grief it isn't funny. My mother says "I just can't imagine." So what if I have dreams of being June Cleaver in my clever housedresses and string of pearls (beads actually but these days who knows the difference). This doesn't make my strange or odd. What I should just shlemp around the house in ratty old sweats and dirty t-shirts? Why not put on something that makes me feel pretty and cover it up with an attractive apron? So what if I don't fit the mold of what women look like today? If you ask me women today don't know what they want to be, they don't want to be women. They don't want to be men. They are caught in a state of limbo and that is exactly where the world wants them. Maybe, (and I really don't mean maybe I mean certainly) God's plan for women is a better way. I want to be distinctly feminine. I want my children to go through life knowing that their mother was a woman to the core. I want to teach them God's values and not the world's values. I know that they will not have an easy life if they try to live out the values taught in the Bible, but it will be worth every minute of it.

Submission

I've been thinking alot about what the Bible says about submission of a woman to her husband. It doesn't really fit our modern world does it? We fear that if we submit to our husbands we will somehow "lose" ourselves. That he will dominate us and somehow hurt us. But is this really the case? I fought submission for most of my 38 years. That is until about a year ago. I was always afraid that if I did submit to my husband that he would not love me the way I wanted to be loved. That I had to demand love and respect. That I had to be "fulfilled". I hated the Proverbs 31 woman. She overwhelmed me and just reading about her made me tired.

But a year ago something happened that radically altered my philosophy of life. I had to make changes or lose my husband forever. So I fell on my face before God and asked Him to change me. Now I see that submission to my husband is a good thing. It takes a lot of strain off of both of us, and the Lord has blessed me for it.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:7b-10
the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

John MacArthur points out that in this verse that even the angels are watching for a woman to be subject to her husband.

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3.

The Bible lays out a command structure here. We, as married women are to submit to our husbands. I know this is an unpopular idea. We think that somehow we are going to lose ourselves by submission, but I have found that through submission I have gained so much more than I have lost. I have also seen that when I try to "overrule" my husband it causes stife in my home and we get stuck. If 2 people are trying to steer a ship and they want to go in 2 different directions where to they end up going? Nowhere.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Proverbs 21:19

Proverbs repeats this next verse 2 times.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

If God repeated the same verse 2 times I think we better listen. If you insist on your own way and put up a fight and refuse to submit then you are being Quarrelsome?. . . I think the answer to that is yes.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

If we fear him then we should do what He says.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

...submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is Head of the Church; and He is the Saviour of the Body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for it.... So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.(Ephesians 5:21-25,28).

Yes, your husband is supposed to love you as Christ loved the church, but you are not responsible for his actions, only your own. I used to say "Well when he loves me like Christ loved the church then I'll submit." But perhaps he was waiting for me to submit to love me as Christ loved the church. Look at the next scripture.

"Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:1-4).

Won without a word. Simply by your submission.

When the divine order of submission is followed, relationships improve and are set right. Rebellion ceases and harmony follows.

This may not make sense to us in our human understanding but remember: But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 1 Corinthians 1:27

Submit first to God, then to your husband. Through submission to your husband you are bringing glory to God.

Tell me this, what good does glory and honor do me in this world? What good does it do for me to make a name for myself here? This place isn't my "True Home". My treasure isn't here. My treasure is in heaven. I don't know about you but I wanna lay up treasure there where it's gonna do me a lot more good than here.

Don't get me wrong I blow it more times than I get it right. However with the Lord's help I wanna get it right.

Just remember, neither you nor I can be a Proverbs 31 woman without the help of God. I am totally helpless to become the woman God wants me to be without surrendering totally to Him and allowing Him to make me what He wants me.

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